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Monday, July 10, 2017

Let Us Entertain You

From a reader ...John Schmidt...
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"How Old Is Grandpa?"

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One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.

The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general...

The Grandfather replied:

"Well, let me think for a minute.  I was born before:

 television 
 penicillin 
 polio shots 
 frozen foods 
 Xerox 
 contact lenses 
 Frisbees 
The pill
 
There were no: 


 credit cards 
 laser beams  
 ball-point pens
 
Man had not invented : 


 pantyhose 
 air conditioners 
 dishwashers 
 
 Clothes dryers and clothes were hung out to dray in the fresh air.
Space travel was only in Flash Gordon books.

Your Grandmother and I got married first,... and then lived together..

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 Every family had a father and a mother.

 Until I was 25, I called every woman older than me, "maam".

After I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."
We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Bible, good judgment, and common sense.
 We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

 We thought fast food was eating half a biscuit while running to catch the school bus.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

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Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

 We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

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If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a dime.

If you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your dime on enough stamps to mail 2 letters and 4 postcards.

In my day: 


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"grass" was mowed. 
"coke" was a cold drink. 
"pot" was something your mother cooked in. 
 "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. 


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"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office. 
 "chip" meant a piece of wood. 
 "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software"wasn't a word.


And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap or from the archives. 

How old do you think I am? 

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 This man would be only 70 years old   
 
 One more thing...
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