Let Us Entertain You...and...Happy New Year 2014

The Curse of Being Born on December 31st

I know... "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays", "Happy New Year"...I've heard it for almost 67 years.

And until now, I've just smiled and replied in kind; however, I am now a senior citizen; and as one, I am expected to complain...and I'm gonna complain!

So after all these years....It's time !

I was born 26 minutes from 1947, on December 31, 1946...

...and the only one who got a good deal out of that was my dad !

He got an extra income tax exemption of what was $600 way back when.

I loved my dad; he was a character, and I previously wrote an article about him last Father's Day, but knowing him for the "frugality" he displayed during his life, I can certainly visualize him saying, "Rosie, push...we need the deduction"!

My mother must have spent New Years Eve in agony, and I actually have a clipping from the Chicago Tribune announcing my being one of the kids born closest to the new year of 1947.

La De Da !  Big deal !

I was too young to eat any ice cream or birthday cake.

Anyone out there who was born near Christmas knows where I'm headed with this...

...It's called "Christmas/Birthday" presents your whole life !

Not one for Christmas and another for Birthday...

NOPE...just ONE...for both !

It all started as a child....a few toys....with  SOCKS and UNDERWEAR....

...stuff that a kid hates to get...much less for Christmas or a Birthday...

...and whatever I received...was to cover both days.

La De Da !

Meanwhile my little brother who was born in March would get the socks and underwear and toys on Christmas, and still get another stockpile shortly thereafter for his birthday !

It wasn't fair, and finally, after 67 years...I'm complaining.

And what was even worse, I couldn't even SLEEP late the morning after my birthday because Catholics have to attend mass on January 1st....

...or suffer eternal damnation in the next life !

Being from Chicago, I had to get up early every January 1st in the freezing, arctic cold (put on my new"Christmas/birthday" socks and underwear) and get to church to avoid the pains of hell !

I wasn't even allowed to wear those new cowboy boots Santa brought me either.  The nuns didn't consider that proper "church attire" and on top of that, my mother would always make me wear those big black goulashes even if it wasn't snowing. They came from Santa too, according to her !

Then what do I do? 

I marry a Jewish girl who looks at Christmas and New Years as days she'll be without jazzercise or zumba because our Recreation Center will be closed..

To add to my misery, she doesn't cook baked ham and I can't afford the prices of a New Years Eve meal...

...and waiting 'til the next day doesn't work, because the restaurants are usually closed on the "holiday".

Some holiday !!!

When I do go out on New Years Eve, I look for places with menus that fit the occasion...and my mood.

And then to top it all off...the world can't wait for the very moment your BIRTHDAY ENDS !  People eat, drink, are merry, fall all over themselves wearing silly hats (none say Happy Birthday)...

...and portray New Years Eve with a picture of an old man called "Father Time"...usually with a baby behind him---and YOU are the Father Time ! 

Oh...the joy of being born on December 31st ! 

And it all started with a spring day in late March, when the Chicago cold needed a little "bodily warmth" to create a human being who entered this world on December 31, 1946 !

However...they say "what goes around, comes around" and...

..To my dad, who thought he was saving $600 in 1946 on his income taxes...

...I ended up getting sweet revenge over the years, wrecking just about every one of his new cars !

…To my little brother, who never sends me a birthday card or ever picks up the phone to wish his older brother a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas,  now gets MONOGRAMED Las Vegas tee-shirts as gifts for his "thoughtfulness"….

...on BOTH Christmas AND his Birthday ! 

…and To wifey, who now celebrates hubby's birthday with some strange ceremony of first checking if my life insurance premiums have been paid, then holding a mirror under my nose as she gazes at that once sleek beast who now falls asleep at 8:30pm on that day...

...now gets the "privilege" of buying those smelly socks and "expanding"  undies !

But to all of them...

I wouldn't have changed a single moment for the memories they gave me on each and every "Christmas/Birthday" over all the years.

…I don’t know what I ever would have done without you in my life.

Happy New Year to all of you !

Dick Arendt