Criminal Captured After 15 Years
It took years but it was caught...and...the trial is soon to commence.
The Dastardly Act:
Evading prosecution for 15 years while residing in an unauthorized area, using the alias "landscaping accessory".
...but then it happened !
The "heat" had caught on !
And a familiar sight showed up....
...with his friend....
...with a familiar sound...
But because they were unauthorized to arrest the fugitive, they made note of the situation and called in two others to investigate the atrocity !
And yet another sound could be heard as they approached the homeowner !
As they cautiously approached the "mouth piece" for the criminal fugitive from justice, one of the men said loudly....
"What's this all about?" asked the frightened homeowner.
"It's about the bench...and...eluding capture all these years. It's considered "patio furniture", is not in an authorized location..and it has to go", said the man with the badge.
"But it's not patio furniture, it's a decorative landscaping accessory", said the frightened woman.
It made no difference to the man. All he would say was...
The "boys" say it's "patio furniture"....and what they say, goes...got it sweetheart...it's the style of life they're concerned with, not you".
"But I am giving you the facts....it's not outdoor patio furniture, it's merely a decoration....a landscaping decoration that is made of cement, is hidden behind a tree, weighs over 500 pounds...and has been sitting there for 15 years", the woman pleaded.
So...the woman, petrified of "the boys", contacted others in the area who she believed would help her.
And after searching and cruising the "hood", she eventually discovered members of "the Bench Gang" that had been "laying low" over the years.
There was "Bottoms Bonnie" and "Cushie Clyde".
"Tiny Tush Tina"
The "Butts Combo" gang
"Cheap Louie the Loner"
" Willie the Wedgie"
"Roger the Rogue"
" Flubby Fats" with "Daisy Donut"
"Freddie the Frog Freak"
"Thunder Thigh Tina the Tuba"
"Sammie the Sea Snort"
"Iron Mamma Minnie"
Yes...everywhere she turned, the "gang" had a presence.
Yet...it appeared that only she would bear the brunt of the prosecution.
So....will the prosecutors seek out the other offenders, or will they merely settle for prosecuting Betty Bench?
So...we now have the case before you...the community...the jury !
What say you?
Is Betty Bench a landscape ornament or is she patio furniture?
Should she be left alone to live out the rest of her life in peace, or should she suffer the fate of the wrecker's ball?
We think she and "The Bench Gang" deserve amnesty and be allowed to coexist along with the many other "lawn decorations" we discovered !
Ridiculous? Sad, but true.
It's just a humorous way to tell a story of a woman in our community facing a violation of the Rules and being subjected to a substantial fine...because someone in power...has no common sense and...
"needs to get a life"