Everyone Should be Irish Today...even the new Pope !
Because the IRISH are HAPPY, and HAPPY should be THE LAW OF THE WORLD.
Catholic doctrine says the pope is infallible when on the Papal throne, and that means, as long as he's sitting in that chair, he's THE MAN...what he says, GOES !
(Note: We have a male reader named Fran...this entire article is in jest, and we hope he takes it as such)
...the new head man of the Catholic church appearing on that balcony with a smile, a green beer in his hand, and a blessing to those in St. Peter's Square that began with...
St. Patrick's Day is special.
As a matter of fact, a law should be enacted making it a WORLD holiday, not merely an Irish one.
Why?
Because the IRISH are HAPPY, and HAPPY should be THE LAW OF THE WORLD.
And what better man to start it off?
The new POPE !
...AND....as a Catholic, I'd like to ask him to make a few changes at his earliest opportunity.
First, what's with the name Pope Francis I ????
It's not too late, timing is everything, and being the pope-elect, he can still change his mind about that "Francis" moniker...
(Note: We have a male reader named Fran...this entire article is in jest, and we hope he takes it as such)
...and if he REALLY wants to bring this world together...
...on this day, he should start... by changing his name to.....
Pope Patrick I...(a.k.a. PP1)
We've never had a Pope Patrick, and....it's time !
When you think of the Irish, you think of the word HAPPY,...and what better way of stressing "HAPPY" to the world....than starting off with a name change to reflect the theme of his new reign ???
Pope Patrick I...nice ring to it !
I can picture it all now !
I can picture it all now !
...the new head man of the Catholic church appearing on that balcony with a smile, a green beer in his hand, and a blessing to those in St. Peter's Square that began with...
"Hi, I'm Pat, Top of the Mornin' to Ya"?
And a coronation the world would never forget !
The princes of the church, the Cardinals, would be given a special outfit that day...gone would be the RED caps, and instead, marching in procession in a bright Kelly Green...
... with Michael Flatley at the head of the parade....
while the good sisters, the bishops...all of the clergy....joining him in a Lord of the Dance celebration.
And Pope Patrick wouldn't need the Popemobile either....No one would harm a man staggering through a crowd with people offering him a green beer every few steps of the way...dressed in his new Papal garb.
And...Church policy would be radically changed as well....
The new pope would dictate that henceforth every saint would forever be referred to with an... O'... in front of their name.
Sermons during Sunday mass would include Irish jokes !
...and communion would include soda bread and a glass of green creme de menthe combined with a bit of Absolute...to kill the evil spirits !
Going to confession and receiving absolution for your sins would involve a penance of reflecting on your evil ways by...consuming a a case of Guinness...with your parish priest....in the confessional...while confessing.
Confirmation ceremonies would no longer involve a slap on the cheek, but would be changed to a congratulatory SLAP on the back !
And combining all of that with a WORLD AMNESTY DAY to bring not just Catholics, but the entire Christian world into harmony as a token of saying "WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER"....
...and the 266th pope, an American, (OK from South America, but still American), would forever change history by demanding a smile be part of each and every day of one's life.
Happy St. Patrick's Day !
Dick O'Arendt
Allen O'Weintraub
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