Let Us Entertain You

Dorothy Was Right ! 

I just got home from a 25 day European trip....and man. I'm glad to get back !!!

I can assure all of you that there will be a great deal of disagreement with what I have to say about exploring the majesties across the pond, but other than some exceptions....I missed Vegas, and I missed it for a number of reasons as I explored "the other side" of life that exists in parts of Europe.

I know that the saying "there's no place like home" probably started with a young girl named Dorothy, after she clicked her heels in Oz, but after all the traveling I've done in my life...

Well...Dorothy, I envy you !  You certainly were right as far as I'm concerned.

Traveling isn't as much fun as it used to be...because of one common element that exists amongst each and every country on this earth....

Man's enjoyment of USING his fellowman !

That's right, after going to Italy and Greece for the past month and examining the many "ruins" of the past, I've come to the conclusion that what makes man unique, is merely...

...his need to exploit his own species.

 It's the story of history; places being conquered again and again by others who wanted what they had, and the death and destruction resulting if the more powerful were ever threatened with their dream of continual CONQUEST.

Images of gods were everywhere; statues representing objects people prayed to...in order to assist them in DESTROYING other people...referring to it as "civilization".

I can't tell you how much the crowd of people...people pushing other people....while their cameras clicked again and again... as they thoroughly enjoyed the experience of seeing some poor soul encased in glass, who was fried in Pompeii when Mt. Vesuvius exploded two thousand years ago !

I witnessed the 47% unemployment of the youth of Greece, and the vast migration many of them say they will be making to other more profitable nations....while the "ugly American" seemed to enjoy boasting of his or her wealth, not thinking twice about beating them down in prices for goods that I knew would feed them and their families that day.

I saw UNCLEAN restaurants, dirty streets in dire need of repair, literally no regard for pedestrians in Rome or Naples. I saw cars parked in front of other cars, in intersections, front and back ways, no street signs, small inadequate streets, and "quaint" cobblestone sidewalks where you had to keep your eyes on your feet, rather than the "architecture" in order to avoid breaking your ankle.

 

...and the pizza...well... let's just say....

There's nothing like Chicago pizza ! 

 I came 8,000 miles to eat a pizza in Naples, the birthplace of pizza, and the best I could find was people loading thin crust (the best part) with zucchini or potato, and even a fried egg.  You might occasionally catch a piece of pepperoni if you're lucky and the guy who makes the delicacy beats his dog to the treasure. They don't use sausage, and cheese must be a valuable commodity because, there's more on a buffet salad than anywhere on an Italian pizza.

 

I saw panhandlers on every street and even while I was eating in restaurants while they "hawked" fake coins and jewelry, sunglasses, knock off "designer" handbags, and even paper umbrellas...

 

..and it was SO PREVALENT....that I longed for those who try to pass out Porn cards on the Strip as a pleasant change.  At least they can't follow you into the hotels here !

And people...my god...more crowds that ever possibly imaginable, while at the same time, keeping my attention more on the pick pocket artists, as each and every travel guide warned.

...and restroom facilities that Pet Parks would be cleaner for you to do your business...and in one train station, it cost you 1 Euro to use it...without toilet paper !

But of course...it was "romantic Italy" and "ancient Greece" and a touch of Turkey, where I was hounded by every other local "businessman" to buy some kind of $5,000 rug that I was promised would be an eventual "investment".

But after that "romance" it was back to the "civilized" atmosphere of the Holland America Eurodam, where one could enjoy a drink for $8.00 + an automatic 15% gratuity ! 

...or enjoy an on deck sail-a-way party where exotic foods from the Mediterranean would be served in SINGLE LINES only requiring you to wait 30 minutes to obtain your "free" little goodie ... that made you burp and long for a Bromo a few hours later.

...fight people in buffet lines who can't read signs that say "LINE STARTS HERE"...or "END OF LINE".

...or possibly pursue a $35 Bingo Session.

...or a stop in the casino where there are NO pay-out minimums and the silence from the lack of slot machine bonuses was "deafening".

...or Spa treatment "specials" costing at least 100% more than those than can be obtained through most Vegas hotels.

...and if you needed a little extra something to keep your tummy nice and round, you also had classy "specialty restaurants" for an additional $30-$50 on top of the SIX GRAND already paid for the 21 day cruise.

...or take a snooze in your luxurious and spacious stateroom while watching the news from Africa or the UK or perhaps a soccer game between Leeds and Manchester in between Holland America commercials.

...or invade the mini-bar where you're charged a 15% gratuity to open your own frig, pop you own tab, or unscrew your own bottle top, in addition to paying for the contents of your libation.

...see the fabulous nightly shows where over a 21 day period, where outside entertainment consisted of a juggler, a magician, an acrobat, and one singing trio, while the ship's local house band was featured on two evenings in addition to an Indonesian crew show....

...enhanced by three production shows (over 21 days)  graced by "talent" that was obviously "over-qualified" to play here in Las Vegas, the leading lady having been somewhere around 40 lbs. heavier than the leading man as he musically professed his love for her in each and every show.

...and the most entertaining aspect of all....WATCHING a majority of the passengers endure some mysterious illness where a "code red" was enacted, while you witnessed any and every manner of coughing and sneezing known to mankind...in different languages...wishing to share their experience with others as a result of never using anything to cover their mouths during their serenades.

And for this total package, they also expected you to pay their crew tips of $11.50 p/day PER PERSON to make up for the shabby wages and literal slavery they put their primarily Indonesian crew through as they clean your cabin 7 days a week for 10 consecutive months.  That added close to an additional $500 for the 21 days for a couple.

...but in retrospect, I saw some things that I had read about during my school days; but at the same time, I also learned a few other things, the good sisters never bothered to mention in my Catholic schooling...especially about "The Vatican" and the "Eternal City" of Rome.

I saw the Vatican and the beauty of the Sistine Chapel, but also learned that Michelangelo was not the nicest guy in the world.  It seems he believed painting was rather "unmanly" compared to his sculptures, and that he did his best to avoid the job when he was commissioned by Pope Julius II to paint the ceiling...OR DIE if he refused.

 

You obviously didn't mess with Julie !

This "saintly" representative of "the faith" even made Michelangelo pay for THE PAINT...and the net profit over the entire timeframe of the painting of the ceiling was NODDA...NUTTIN...ZERO...with little other than  a fond farewell from Pope Julie when it was done.

 

Michelangelo

But what really upset the great Mike the Sculptor the most was a young kid named Rafael whose primary occupation was to paint and the "politics" at which he excelled due to his "kissing up to Julie" a lot more than he did, thus receiving Julie's praise...which eventually resulted in a number of "favors"  from the ladies of Rome.

So much so, that Raf died at the young age of 37 from syphilis.

 

Raphael

So the trip finally ended spending about 24 hours in the air and various airports, fighting more crowds in addition the 9 hour jet lag.

Was it worth it ?

You bet....after 3 days of getting used to being back, I'm really going to appreciate some top entertainment, a free beer at a casino while playing a slot machine, my living room lounge chair, 60" TV set, and most importantly....

Sleeping in my own bed !

And Dorothy...I wish I could have merely clicked my heels to get home after 25 days.

 

I would have even worn ruby slippers ! 

Dick Arendt