Though we've said it for the past few days, we
want to say it again...
...Happy New Year to
the many of you who subscribe to Anthem Opinions.
...and to those or you who have not yet
subscribed...
YOU SHOULD !
It's free and it's filled with items for
EVERYONE.
The holidays are now "officially" over, and "normalcy"
will hopefully be reappearing in our daily retirement
lives.
So...as a new "publishing year" begins, we
thought we'd start it in a positive direction....with
humor !
Here is an expanded version of my "Say What !?!" January, 2014 column in the next "The Vegas Voice" publication that should be "hitting your
mail box' in the next few days.
...and...
...tell your friends and neighbors about
us....
We like making new friends
!
We've tried hard to make Anthem Opinions a
benefit to all in examining the many aspects of our beautiful community with
"Mr. Fix-It" and "Garden
Wizard" articles; looking closely at the true meaning of historical
events in "History and Holidays"; providing you
valued information in Las Vegas, Henderson and Nevada
newsworthy items; and keeping you abreast of the many dining and entertainment options we are so fortunate to
have by living in this exciting part of the United
States.
Wishing all of you a healthy, productive,
exciting and most importantly. a fun filled...2014.
----------------------------------------------
New Year's Resolutions...a Guarantee in
Keeping Them
It's
January and like most people, I too, make New Years resolutions; and like most
people, I never keep them.
2014 is THE YEAR I'm going to keep them...but this year
they're going to be different....
...and
if for some reason I fail, I'll still be "winning" by "losing" in the eyes of
my #1 critic, WIFEY.
What
I finally figured out, was that those resolutions were always to change my bad
habits, habits she’s reminded of for 28 years; but this year, in order to
keep those 2014 promises, I'm reversing gears, and
instead...
...have
decided to KEEP
THEM.
That's
right...I'm pledging to KEEP MY BAD HABITS, so
on December
31, 2014 ,
I can look at my wife and say, "Ah hah...I told you I could do it".
So
for all of you men out there, here's my 2014 list you too may wish to consider telling wifey
when she insists you change your evil ways.
First, I pledge I will only gain 20
POUNDS this year rather than my normal 10. Let's see if she complains
if I don't keep that one...AND...I'm gonna make her a deal...if she doesn't stop
spending money like it's Christmas every day, I might as well look like Santa
too ! Besides, who cares any longer, I'm 67 and the twenty something cocktail
waitresses now call me "mister" anyway, so they might as well call me FAT...BUT
HAPPY...MISTER !
Second, I promise to ACCUMULATE only 25
MORE $100 "free tee shirts" from the casinos in the best way I know how...by
LOSING EVEN MORE MONEY IN THE SLOTS. Let's see if she complains about
that one if I fail ! More money in the slots, gets me on more casino mailing
lists, and the more casino mailing lists I'm on, the more free food I
get...thereby ensuring keeping New Year's resolution #1.
Third, I promise to HAVE ONLY 10 DRINKS
PER DAY RATHER THAN MY USUAL 5 while losing more money getting those
"free" tee-shirts...while I enjoy all those extra "free" meals because I’m on
more lists, trying to erase the memory of the last VISA bill summarizing the
number of shoes she bought during the month.
So...there
you have it...three promises, all tied
together in one neat little package, that shouldn't be a big a deal in
keeping.
Finally,
I figured it out....think NEGATIVE...AND...IT'S WIN-WIN.
Gain 20 pounds, lose more money,
and drink more… you'll merely be keeping your 2014
resolutions.
...and...
if you somehow lose 10 pounds, make money at the slots, and stop
drinking, that means you didn't enjoy the cake
and ice cream that would have made you look like Santa ...and you'll be more aware of wifey's VISA shoe
bill.
There's
even more if you don't keep those promises !
You probably gave wifey the money you were going to lose;
the casinos wouldn't have sent you free food; and
even worse, you were sober during the entire
ordeal...the entire time you deprived yourself...trying to keep those New
Year's resolutions.
How's
that for an incentive to keep those initial pledges ?
Men...I
want all of you to think carefully about this and the ultimate prize in keeping
them.....
....after
all those years, you'll finally be in the position of looking at her, and
saying, "It's Your Fault...I did
it just for you" !
Anyway...that's
my story...and...I'm sticking to it.
Happy
New Year.
Dick
Arendt
No comments:
Post a Comment