Let Us Entertain You

An Open Letter from One Writer to his Partner

Since meeting Allen Weintraub at the Liberty Center last spring after not seeing him for 40 years since our fraternity brother days, life has never been the same.

He and his lovely wife, Sharon, have changed my life in every way, rekindling a friendship that was lost over the years to respective marriages, children, and a career in the insurance industry that was quite similar to the one I enjoyed.

Until two days ago, I was glad to have renewed that friendship, but after Tuesday morning, I am second guessing that decision.

You see, Mr. Weintraub recently retired; I did 8 years ago. There is a reason as to why I bring this up to our readers.

Over the past 8 years, I had forgotten the euphoria of never having to work another day in my life, adjusting to senior living.

To Mr. Weintraub, this is a new sensation; and as a result, he, like so many of us at the inception of retirement, is now making every attempt to "make up" for the years he delayed his decision....by doing everything and anything 10-15 times per day !

That, he is entitled to, but yesterday, in his zeal to conquer yet another plateau, he decided...

We should go bowling !

I had not bowled in over 5 years, and when he last visited his children over the New Years holiday, they decided to give him a bowling ball for his 66th birthday.

And when I learned of that gift....

...I hoped and I prayed....that he would enjoy this new retirement "amenity" with his wife.

I was terribly wrong.

He needed a "playmate" and yours truly was the obvious target.

So off we went to the "Wild Fire" bowling lanes at the corner of Sunset and Marks, to get our "free bowling" that I had received in a mailer from the Station Casino organization.

Before we began, we also learned about another Senior Entertainment Bargain:

Monday thru Friday, from 9:00am to 5:00pm, THE COST PER LINE OF BOWLING FOR SENIORS (with players card) is only $1.00.

As I had previously mentioned, it had been 5+ years since I last picked up a bowling ball.  As a result, in between my scores of 82, 103, and 94, he proceeded with his shiny new bowling ball, to score the highest of his life, at 229.

I graciously congratulated him, yet hoped my "competitive" scores would cause him to seek out OTHERS in which he might fill his free time.

We left, I went home, and then after a hectic day, allowed the Sandman to bid me farewell.

THEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING.

Something had happened between the time I fell asleep and the time I awoke.....

Something... that caused me to contact a professional advisor this morning and have the following email sent to Mr. Weintraub:

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Dear Mr. Weintraub:

Please be advised that your partner is in agony as a result of the athletic activity you put him through yesterday morning.

After he bowled as "well" as he did, in light of the excellent averages of his past,  he was concerned when the same mysterious pain he endured five years ago, suddenly reappeared a few hours after the competition.

We feel that he was unable to perform that sport as he once did due to the injury sustained years ago....the same injury he informed you of....the same injury you unnecessarily forced him to relive...the same injury that we believe, has caused him unbearable "pain & suffering".

By evening he was unable to walk, and this morning, he "fell out of bed" because his legs would not work.

He hobbled to put on a swim suit, slithered into his car at 6:15am; and he, using his feet, due to his hands no longer functioning properly, drove to the Liberty Center in hope that the swirling "cement pond" would relieve his pain.

It did not.

Accordingly, nothing now works.  Even the little turtle which normally makes a morning appearance, has refused to cooperate by remaining hidden to the naked eye within his shell.

Because even his fingernails are now incurring pain, in addition to immense suffering he has endured the past 24 hours throughout the rest of his body, he has asked me to convey this message to you.

Along similar lines, we would also appreciate your providing us your address and phone in order that a friend might stop by in the near future to drop off a legal document to convey his appreciation.

Sincerely.

Dewey  Cheatem & Howe

Mr. Weintraub sent the following response to this letter to my attention:

"What time do I pick you up next Tuesday morning?"

Have a fun day !

Dick Arendt